Fuck Him!

Call me emotional, call me menstrual, I don't care, as long as I'm bitching out here only :p ok, sekarang akal sehatku uda balik. dan aku ngerasa, he's just sooo not worth it. you know what, i sell my bike for 30 euro to him (cos i bought it from him for 30), but the tire is broken so i need to change it. it cost me 30 euro. shortly, i give my bike for free to him. and he paid me, with one dinner where he used me as his guinea pig. he served the food which he will cook for the girl the next day and asked me for opinion. do u think the food is fine enough? bla3. shit man, i feel so used by him. ok, maybe i never realized it before. but at a certain point, i always take him for granted. and i always forget what he said or done. now, when i finally able to sense all the feelings and my surroundings pretty well, i just realized... oh my god!!! what kind of horrible person he could be??? in short, FUCK HIM. and i cry for that bastard :p

well, never mind though. last night, i had this sleepover with my close fren. i talked a lot about it to her, and she helped me a lot with wise words and quotation. during this kind of period, i just realized how helpful God can be :p yeah, it turns out that i still need religion. even though i already lose a lot of my faith to him.

anyhow, she suggested me to write down how i overcome the sadness and grief. and i learnt a little bit from my experience with sang. what i did was.
1. engage in new activities. i join gym, sport classes, boxing class! buy flower, join workshop, join student organization, talk to my professor more, be more active in discussion and asking for tutorial for my project.

2. meet new people. in every possible way of meeting new people, i always join. go to party together, say hello and make conversation with girls i met at gym. i expand my network, you know! and i also contact some new researcher to help me with my project :p

i think that's all i did that time. plus, i spent too much time with that bastard weiwei. ok, now i think he's an asshole in my life. i don't know whether it's temporary judgment or not. or whether it's just me pissed off by some of his action. i also don't know whether i have this reaction because i like him more than friends or because i like him too much as a close friend. hmm, sounds so confusing. hahaha.

and i think about another point. i will add point number 3 for this case ;)
3. make new awesome memories to overlap the old fucking memories. you know, lately, all the things i did with him or related to him just pop up in my head, one after another. and it's so damn scary! i never realized before that i did so many things with him together. and it's so annoying knowing that i have a lot of memories (good ones, memorable ones, i think) with him!!! shit... so, what i want to do is create new layer, more awesome memories on top of it, so that i will only remember the better more recent one. and it motivates me to travel too. last spring break, i didn't go anywhere because i'm too tired of travelling (i travel too much during xmas!). now, i just want to go. i don't care alone or with whom. i need to go. and i have to go. that will clear up my mind a little bit. last xmas, that travel also clears up my mind, so i guess, it will be good for me. i'm thinking about berlin or barcelona :D they have promo for the ticket, you know :D

aarrgh, so in short, hey vivi, maybe you're right. i become so melancholic these days because of different environment and hardships i encounter. but now, i feel that i can live on my own, SUPER WELL (you know, dutch here likes to say 'super' in place of 'very'. i think i'm influenced by them -_-). don't worry, i won't cry over those things anymore. i just realized that even though my heart still feel the pain, but if i direct my thought and action to other positive things, it will influence my feeling and make myself better. and i'm so grateful here that i have lots of frens who are willing to help me in doing that ;) right after this, i'll ask them to help me creating those wonderful memories together. YEAH!!!

Vinh (my vietnamese fren whom i had sleepover with last night) said that... OK, i forget. it's stupid. she said a lot of things. but one thing she said, c'est la vie. it's french, it means 'it's just life'. we'll move on. i'll move on. i'll be great and greater and greater. and it's just a pity for him if he can't recognize how he should appreciate me that much! *ok, it sounds like i'm an ex-girlfriend who has just been dumped. but don't care. i just want to bitch out :p

HAHAHAHAHHA *ketawa ga jelas, ga tau kenapa.

tell me what you think. critics and supports are mostly welcome. but please, please, please, don't corner me down. i'm still in an unstable mental condition. if u do that, i may jump from the window. from the ground floor ;D haha.

CIAO!